Pets have emotions, too.

Let's get you up to date on the Xena happenings around here.

After I took the kittens to the Nazi Humane Society Lady's house, I thought for sure that Xena would stop peeing and pooping on our beds, piles of laundry, laundry baskets, blankets, etc. I really felt that, while the kittens were here, she had been somehow asserting her territory or whatever, because these behaviors had started a couple of weeks after the kittens were born.

But after the kittens left, her behavior stayed the same. Bodily fluid mania.

She got spayed about a week after the cats left, and I thought for sure that would do the trick. Get those hormones outta there. But she came home and continued to release bodily fluids in inappropriate areas. I was just about to cause Xena to Peace Out of our household. I called Nazi Humane Society Lady to see if she would just take Xena back and re-adopt her out. I was on my last limb. NHSL said, "Oh, she must have a UTI."

Wha?

I guess that when cats have UTI's, they pee in inappropriate areas. Or when they're mad. I didn't see what she had to be mad about, honestly. So I took her to the vet to get her pee tested. Seventy-five dollars later, I found out that she did NOT have a UTI. Sweet. I love throwing $75 down the toilet. It's my favorite thing.

The vet told me that, most likely, Xena was pissed about something. Get it? Pissed? I'm so funny. And then the vet gave me Cat Antidepressants:

Okay, maybe "antidepressants" is a strong word. They're all-natural, like St. John's Wort for humans. But still. To have to give a cat all-natural anti-depressants really is ludicrous to me.

Along with the ludicrous product came this ludicrous pamphlet:

Puh-lease.

May I just quote from an e-mail my dear friend Patty sent me at this time about this topic?:

"Xena is on ANTI-DEPRESSANTS!? They make those for animals? That's nuts! Why is she stressed? If her job too hard for her? Is she having financial problems? Did she recently suffer a bad break up? What on earth would a cat be stressed about?"

No one can put things better than Pats.

Despite the ludicrousness of the situation, I started to give Xena her anti-depressants, just in the interest of my own sanity. Yes, I could have made her Peace Out, but I'm still feeling really guilty about getting rid of two earlier pets. Xena could have blown up my house and I still wouldn't get rid of her. I just can't take the guilt. Or the stigma that has been attached to me because of those pet-getting-rid-of tendencies - Kar is a Cold-Hearted Snake.

At about the same time I started these anti-depressants, we were finally able to let Xena out. We couldn't let her out from the time she had her kittens until she got spayed, because she could have gotten knocked up again. And then we had to wait another week for her stitches to heal and whatnot. When we were finally able to let her out, we figured out what had made her so pissed - she wanted to go outside.

I stopped giving her the drops, um, mainly because I kept forgetting to do it, but we haven't had a problem since we started letting her outside.

Thank heavens.

So now she goes inandoutandinandoutandinandout like a million times a day, but I'm happy to oblige as her official door-opener. As long as she keeps her bodily functions confined to the litter box.

And by the way, I only have to clean her litter box like once every two weeks. She's been doing all of her business outside, even in this freezing weather. I'm loving it. The smell of litter makes me gag.

You may recall that, when we first got Xena, we let her out just once, and in that just once, she got lost and knocked up. She was miraculously found and brought back to our house. So Sadie gets really nervous about letting Xena out. We keep reassuring her that Xena has been out a ton and always comes back now, but Sadie isn't convinced. I have to covertly let Xena out; otherwise I get yelled at by a very overprotective and angry four-year-old. If Xena is in the same room as Sadie, I don't even try. When Sades is around, Xena is left to pine for the outdoors until I can sneak her out:

I keep the anti-depressants around, just in case she has a relapse. Those suckers cost me like $10.

Soooooooo dry.

Is anyone else having this problem? Yes, it looks like I grated my knuckle on a cheese grater or something, but actually, it's my dry, cracking, bleeding skin. I'm putting lotion on like seventy times per day. Yikes. Bikes.

Such a Helper

My little Micah man is obsessed with the dishwasher. He loves to take out the dishes and hand them to me, and he likes to throw the silverware down into the bowels of the dishwasher - not my favorite. Sometimes, I rinse dishes and put them straight into the dishwasher - rinse, stack. Rinse, stack. I stand right next to the silverware holder of the dishwasher when I do this, which drives Micah nuts. The silverware holder is HIS territory. He will literally be shoving me, pushing around my legs to get to the silverware, and yelling at me in baby language if I don't yield.

I've started doing dishes when Micah is napping or in bed for the night.

I'm getting wrinkles.

So the other night, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom, and by the light of the hallway, I suddenly noticed that I have crow's feet. See 'em?:

I pulled my hair back and flipped on the light to get a closer look, and that's when I noticed that I have those frowny wrinkles between my eyebrows:

I'm getting old, folks. I'm getting old.

My dad has crow's feet, and I love them. I think they're really cute. He's always golfing and squinting in the sun, so his crow's feet are white, while the skin all around it is tan. I just think it's really endearing. So I don't mind my crow's feet.

But I'm not a fan of those frowny lines between my eyebrows.

Heyyyyyy. How's da sickie?

Yep, my title is a line from a movie. What movie? Ten points.

Dylan and I were sick about a month ago. Was it the swine flu? Maybe. I couldn't afford co-pays to go find out. So I just took a "prayerful watch-and-wait stance." Yep, another movie line. Ten points for the correct movie on that one, too.

I walked around looking like this for a couple of weeks:

You gotta do what you gotta do.

Dylan was all bundled up, watching TV, and I told him to smile for a picture. This is his weak attempt:

I think that is the funniest picture ever.

Kay. I know this is bad, but I kind of like it when Dylan is sick. Because he just sits still and is quiet. It is AWESOME. Usually, he is a blustering force of nature. It's nice to have kind of a quiet reprieve:

It took us a couple of weeks to recover, but now we're doing well. Dylan is back to his blustery self.

Onward, ever onward...

Tonight, I heard Dylan absentmindedly singing a song he's been learning at church, "Called to Serve." The song begins:

Called to serve Him,
Heavenly King of Glory...

Dylan was singing:

Called to serve Him,
Heavenly King of Killing...

One part of the song says:

Onward, ever onward,
As we glory in His name...

Dylan was singing:

Awkward, after awkward,
As we glory in His name...

There is also a part that says:

Forward, pressing forward,
As a triumph song we sing...

Dylan was singing:

Forward, pressing forward,
As a tribe of zombies sing...

I was laughing so hard. He cracks me up. I told him what the real words were, and he giggled in an embarrassed way.

Maniac

What famous 80's movie is the song, "Maniac," on? Ten points.

Micah sometimes runs in place. I think it is so freakin' cute: